When it's all been said and done...

"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same." (Flavia Weedn)

Well it's been almost two years since I last posted here. It's been a loooong time. I have kept writing now and again, just not here.

In the intervening period I sadly had to say goodbye to Dad on April 5th 2012, after a long, brave battle against cancer. His final week - in hospital - was one of the hardest I've ever known. There but for the Grace of God go I. General busyness and life 'stuff' also prevented me from writing here. I didn't forget about this space, timing just wasn't right.

So why now? Necessity I think. Mum and I finally picked up Dad's ashes yesterday morning. The whole experience has been mildly traumatic and surreal. Mainly surreal. I even awoke from nightmares the two mornings beforehand. I'm writing this at gone 2am because part of me is afraid to sleep and have another bad dream*. Psalm 4:8 helps. I've been desperate for closure since the funeral, but with family in Wales in full-time work, it was a logistical nightmare to organise a right time for us all to carry out Dad's wishes and take his ashes to Crete. That time is now fast approaching.

Bereavement is somewhat insidious. I've been more of a wreck in recent weeks than I was before - possibly as the time approaches to finally say 'Adieu'. I need that to happen now, to be able to move on. Suddenly having to have one of my two cats put to sleep a month ago during a hectic work period didn't help. Hearing a friend's bad news was the final straw in my fragile emotional state (not that I was a weepy mess, just an unanchored, frustrated and hurting one). I swore on Twitter too - I did apologise though... while others freely curse, I did care that I'd resorted to that and at that point I'd had enough - of sorrow, of myself, of 'God'. I decided to take a month off from social media - namely Facebook and Twitter - while I complete the trips lined up... and hopefully get some sense of that closure with regards the rituals of mourning. 

I also feel I need to 'refind' myself. Not in an airy-fairy new agey way, but in a getting-back-under-the-shadow-of-God's-wings way. I need Time Out - to reconnect, to know God's love. I even had to finally force myself to cry today by listening to sad, nostalgic songs... the only way to release some of the pressure building inside. Don Moen's song 'When it's all been said and done' being one. I've been too busy to process much.

Very few people know about this blog, so it's an ideal place to write more personal stuff at the moment. I'm writing for myself. I may jot down some thoughts over the next month... I'll see what the view is like from within those wings...

*Incidentally I awoke from a lovely dream involving searching for unusually-textured blue stones and shells to paint... very peaceful!

Happy Hallowe'en? I don't think so...

This is actually something I posted up on Facebook last year, but I came across it again today, and it seems relevant to repost it here:

"I like bats and pumpkins (they make great pies - well, the pumpkins anyway)...but I will not be celebrating Hallowe'en. Not because I'm a party pooper (far from it - I shall, all being well, be enjoying a friend's 30th celebrations this weekend)...but why celebrate darkness and death when you can have LIGHT and LIFE?

Hallowe'en has everything to do with FEAR and DEATH - ghosts, witches, skulls, tombstones, graveyards, Druid sacrifices, menacing faces etc. - and nothing to do with the goodness of life. Jesus said, "I come to give you life..." and then He overcame death. The 'Trick or treat' game scares the living daylights out of the vulnerable. Fear is not of God.

"For God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

2 Timothy 1:7

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."

1 John 4:18 

Hallowe'en has its roots in witchcraft, the occult and everything related to Satan. As Christians we should shun any involvement in it. We are called to be "holy" ("separate" from the world and from evil), and have no part in such things.

The Bible (i.e. God) has a few choice words to say about it. These are 'old' words...but they are the Word of God...and their relevance is still for today.

"The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God."

Galatians 5:19 

"Let no one be found among you who sacrifices his son or daughter in the fire, who practices divination or sorcery, interprets omens, engages in witchcraft, or casts spells, or who is a medium or spiritist or who consults the dead. Anyone who does these things is detestable to the LORD..."

Deuteronomy 18:10-12

Still not convinced? The satanic bible recognises Hallowe'en as a major 'holiday'! You only have to do a Google search on the history of it to realise it's roots in the occult, whatever your beliefs.

There is nothing 'fun' about being involved in something that celebrates fear and darkness, whatever the marketing people say...and to justify otherwise is to literally be playing with fire.

I know which I'd rather choose!"

With Jesus in your life, you don't have to be scared of anything anymore!

While the history of Hallowe'en is more complex than I've shown, in the research I did before writing the note, it's being rooted in witchcraft is really what it does come down to. It's also been twisted into something different from intended (though its roots are definitely dubious). My point is that, in measuring the festival against the light of Christ, it really is something dark and distasteful and Christians should be wary of 'celebrating' it...if it's about the fun of dressing up, there are plenty of other themes. The devil is subtle in his deception. Sometimes by letting in something we deem 'harmless', we're actually letting in a lot more, spiritually speaking (I'm talking to myself here too).

Catchy-uppy and other stuff

It has been a while since I last posted, mainly beacause of that common distraction known as 'life' :o)

Here follows some recent observations.

Sometimes the world we live in seems like a very dark place, and I'm not just referring to the endless days of grey cloud and rain we seem to have had in Britain this summer.

Over the last few months there seems to have been one catastrophe after another, both personally and in the wider sense. Now, I'm essentially an optimist, albeit with a slight streak of cynicism thrown in for good measure - well, you have to laugh don't you?! However, even the most upbeat person would be forgiven for wondering what on earth is going on.

I willingly admit that I don't have all the answers. I have a lot of questions (nothing unusual there for anyone who knows me!).

?

To put you in the picture...firstly, on a personal level, I have been dealing with the realisation that my father's terminal kidney cancer (kidney removed, cancer not) is not only getting progressively worse - but he could have weeks or months... and the impact this has had both on him and the family as a whole. I appreciate we've all got to die, and it's normal for our parents to go first, but it makes you question everything. It wakes you up in the night wondering where you're own life is going. There is also the sadness of seeing friends going through hard times. Life has played some blinders recently.

On a universal level, there seems to have been (and continues to be) a string of high impact events - MPs' expenses scandals, hackgate, high profile people (namely footballers with more money and ego than sense) committing adultery, the London riots, famine, hurricanes, vicious wars and intolerable numbers harmed – mentally, physically and spiritually. Yes, it's always gone on, but there seems to have been a plethora of incidences in recent times.

What does this show us about human nature at its worst? We have seen greed for money, power and sex, disrespect, corruption, deception, lawlessness, violence, amorality and disregard for human life, to name but a few. From a Christian point of view this seriously points to all that is mentioned in the Bible about the end times, both inside and outside the church:

"BUT UNDERSTAND this, that in the last days will come (set in) perilous times of great stress and trouble [hard to deal with and hard to bear]. For people will be lovers of self and [utterly] self-centered, lovers of money and aroused by an inordinate [greedy] desire for wealth, proud and arrogant and contemptuous boasters. They will be abusive (blasphemous, scoffing), disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy and profane. [They will be] without natural [human] affection (callous and inhuman), relentless (admitting of no truce or appeasement); [they will be] slanderers (false accusers, troublemakers), intemperate and loose in morals and conduct, uncontrolled and fierce, haters of good. [They will be] treacherous [betrayers], rash, [and] inflated with self-conceit. [They will be] lovers of sensual pleasures and vain amusements more than and rather than lovers of God. For [although] they hold a form of piety (true religion), they deny and reject and are strangers to the power of it [their conduct belies the genuineness of their profession]. Avoid [all] such people [turn away from them]." 

2 Timothy 3:1-5, Amplified Bible (AMP)

In Psalm 77:8 David asks:

"Has his unfailing love vanished forever? Has his promise failed for all time?"

It all 'looks' like bad news...

It's all too apparent these days

From what's going on, you'd be forgiven for thinking that maybe God has given up on his creation and taken a sabbatical. But he hasn't. And that, my friends, is the GOOD NEWS!

"The Lord isn't really being slow about his promise, as some people think. No, he is being patient for your sake. He does not want anyone to be destroyed, but wants everyone to repent." 2 Peter 3:9 New Living Translation (NLT)

From these ashes of destruction rises a phoenix of hope: human nature can be seen at its best through adversity; through community, caring, charity, grace, forgiveness etc. Our human nature at it's best is a dimmed reflection of God's image, in which each one of us is made, whether we acknowledge that or not. The Bible promises that all things work (or 'intermingle') for good. Even in such tragedies as we've been witnessing, good can – and does – have final victory.

Slightly off topic for a moment... this weekend I went to the hairdressers (a once a year-ish event). I was told my hair was 'thirsty' (being curly and naturally dryer and in need of some TLC). 

The appearance of water in a dry land

Thirst. This is one of my overriding perceptions towards all this stuff that's going on. The world is thirsty for goodness, and especially for love. In fact it seems the world in general is so parched all that can be seen is a shimmering mirage - a seeming oasis, but nothing like the real thing. Only God offers the real thing, through faith in his son, Jesus.

God repeatedly calls out to his people to return to him and enjoy life and relationship!

Come and drink! There's enough for everyone!

"Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost." Isaiah 55:1 (NIV)

Jesus said,

"But whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." John 4:14

When I see the horrific images on the news or read up via some social media, I feel a mixture of horror, disappointment, sometimes anger, but mainly compassion. My heart breaks for those in trouble, whether through their own doing or not. It can seem so overwhelming, especially when the 'powers that be' seem to re-act rather than act out of wisdom. The wonders of modern living have brought the dual evils of independence and the rise of ego. This is a boiling pot that's starting to brim over as we rely less and less on God and others, and more on our selves and the technology to hand (I'm not saying technology is a bad thing, just that it has its negative side too).

Err...no, it's not.

I've heard quoted that if every person thought of others before themselves, the world would be a *very* different place!  How amazing would that be?!

Jesus reminds us of our priorities:

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:35-35, New International Version (NIV)

Are you willing to die for somebody, even your enemy? That's what Jesus did! How different a place the world would be if we all carried that attitude!

However bleak things seem, there is always hope. There is always our Father in heaven who loves us more than we will ever know.

This is what God is saying to you now.

Related blog posts of interest by others:

Reflections on Rioting/The Grapevine
Disobedience vs Disorder/Nick's Sanctuary